AP = Attachment Parenting
Ramblings = my rambling thoughts on the issue!
I've been meaning to post some ramblings on this issue for a while now... It's a big issue and somehow it seems in order to do it justice that I ought to provide background on my journey into this way of thinking. But I haven't done that yet and I'm missing opportunities to just share the little ramblings and discoveries I make as I go, so, without further ado, (a-do, adue, adoo, hmmm i've never seen that written!), I'll share the backgroung later and just ramble for now!
Former belief: The more you respond to a crying baby (aka coddle), the more demanding they become.
Now, I can only speak for up to 6 months of age, and only for my own baby. So maybe this statement is true for older ages, but right now, I can say without a doubt:
The more attention I give Brenna, the LESS demanding she becomes. And vice versa too.
It's been a long week... I've completed a month now of being sick, and the length of this illness is getting to me. My ear infection is weird... half my head is completely plugged, the other half is half plugged. Sounds are all garbled, I can't think straight, I am low on energy, and sick and tired of being sick!! This means poor Brenna has a less than optimal mommy to deal with. We are not getting out of the house because I'm just too tired and have no where to go anyway, and I think she gets just as stir crazy as anyone! Well the end result is that this week has been the pits in terms of me giving consistent time and energy to Brenna. I've spent more time with the TV on than usual, have had trouble paying attention to her (and Nathan too), and even when I do get on the floor to play with her, I just don't have an attention span so I space out anyway!!! Well she doesn't like this one bit, and as the week has gone by, she's actually gotten more demanding than usual. Like she's having to be loud in order to get my attention! Today, happily, being saturday, Nathan was home to play with her and then I was able to be more focused for the shorter times I had to spend with her. She had a really good day, and by the end of it was very happy, docile, and played for a good half an hour on her own without needing us at all!!
This isn't the first time I've noticed this trend. In the first few weeks of her life, I noticed the more time I spent meeting her needs, the more relaxed she became. Initially, she'd cry frantically over dropping the soother out of her mouth. But over a period of just 20 minutes, if I sat with her, popping it back into her mouth right away, by the end of the 20 minutes she no longer cried but simply made a talkative vocal sound. Within a couple of weeks, she no longer cried at all for her soother. The more i gave, the less demanding she became!! On a similar note in those first few weeks, night time feedings often sparked distress when I tried to put her back to sleep. Taking a cue from a nurse in the hospital and then from a couple of books, I started making sure I spent as many hours as I could during the day giving her cuddle time, skin to skin when possible. The more cuddle time she got, the easier she slept at night. Again, the more I gave, the less demanding she became!
One of the 7 attachment tools of attachment parenting (called the 7 baby B's), is the Belief in the language value of your baby's cry. "A baby's cry is a signal designed for the survival of the baby and the development of the parents. Responding sensitively to your baby's cries builds trust. Babies trust that their caregivers will be responsive to their needs. Parents gradually learn to trust in their ability to appropriately meet their baby's needs. This raises the parent-child communication level up a notch. Tiny babies cry to communicate, not to manipulate. (See Crying and Cry it Out)" Excerpt taken from www.askdrsears.com/.
Nathan and I took this one to heart right from the start. Although I can tell you, on Day 2 in the hospital, I could swear Brenna was manipulating me and I was teaching her to be a screamer... but when I expressed this to the doctor, she assured me newborn babies are not neurologically capable of manipulating and so I calmed down and proceeded to respond to her every little sound. And so glad I am!!
One of the phrases in one of the attachment parenting books resonates with me deeply:
A woman said: "My baby doesn't cry because she doesn't need to". That is exactly how I feel about Brenna. She doesn't cry because Nathan and I put a lot of effort and energy into making sure that she doesn't have to!
The more I give to my baby, the happier, calmer, more independent, and less demanding she is. And thankfully, she responds quickly and easily, bouncing back effortlessly over the course of a single day from a lousy week! Now if I can just get my ears to drain so I too can bounce back to normal!!! :P
